Motorways of the mind

Realising that I have the power to reshape my own brain is one of the best and least expected effects of having Chronic Fatigue.

Is Chronic Fatigue finally being taken seriously?

Just a quick post to mention this excellent article about CFS in The Guardian. I’ve read quite a lot of ill-informed tosh about chronic fatigue but this is both informative and optimistic, though frustrating that it’s taken so long for CFS to start being taken seriously.

“I’d rather have cancer”,

I screamed at my Mum, a woman whose father died of cancer when she was only 19 and whose brother recently died from cancer.

“I wish I’d broken my leg”, I shouted at my husband when he came home from hospital after ripping his knee cap off in a running accident.

Lost and found

A year ago I had a profound but inexplicable feeling – ‘I am not me’.

A year on I feel a sadness at having lost big chunks of who I was and what defined me – my job, running and cycling, my social life… But increasingly there are flashes of realising that facets of ‘old me’ are reemerging and a relief that ‘THIS is who I am.’ At the same time, elements of a ‘new me’ are developing.

Going gluten (and booze) free

I’ve been gluten free for four years, almost tee-total for two years and caffeine and sugar free for six months. (I’m a nightmare dinner guest!)

In summer 2011 I got an infection from a toenail that I’d damaged out fell running. It was treated with antibiotics and cleared up. I went to Paris in the August with Mum and ate steak tartare (raw beef). It was delicious at the time but I was really ill after eating it.

Wash day blues

My emotional laundry cycle: Resentment – Lethargy – Shame – Appreciation – Pride.

Resentment (pre-fatigue)

Running upstairs in my 10 minute work breaks*, phone in the crook of my ear, talking (to clients/colleagues/mother) while pegging. Irritated by broken pegs, bored by the endless routine.

Dear friends and family,

I’ve not been in touch often with friends and family over the past year. Round robins are pants but it’s easier than trying to call everyone individually and I’m not using social media, so forgive the group email.

It’s nearly a year since I was diagnosed with a benign tumour on my pituitary gland. For such tiny (probably 1-2mm) growth, it’s caused an awful lot of hassle.